I was an eight year old third grader; of course I would be terrified when danger was around me. On the afternoon of June 23, 2000, If I didn’t understand how dangerous fire was before that day then I clearly understood its dangers soon after. That afternoon, my little sister and I decided to take a nap together in my older sister’s queen sized bed, while my grandmother remained upstairs in the kitchen to fix dinner. To us, my older sister’s downstairs bedroom seemed like the safest place to snuggle up during a huge summer thunderstorm. About a good twenty minutes into our naps we were awaken by what we thought was the noise of the loudest crack in the sky known to man. With a sniff of the smoky air, I realized something was wrong. Then I noticed that before I went to sleep the house was slightly dark and gloomy since all the lights were out and the clouds heavily covered the sunlight, but now there was a sudden brightness to the house. The bottom of my house was hit by a powerful rod of lightning and caught on fire; my six year old sister, my grandmother and I needed to leave our home as soon as possible.
I learned about fire safety in Mrs. Pratt’s third grade class earlier that year. My class was taught not to play with fire, the importance of a smoke detector, how to come up with an evacuation plan in case of a home fire and we also practiced how to stop drop and roll. I’m glad that I learned about fire safety at an early age, and I think that teaching these things at a young age is very important. In an article from the Journal of Community Psychology, William O. Dwyer says that “Children under the age of 5 are 2.5 times more likely to die from fire than any other childhood age group.” (McConnell 213). If kids are taught how to avoid fires and the process of escape a dangerous fire, then more young lives can be saved.
The first thing that I could think to do was get up off of the bed. Quickly I got my sister to follow me out of the room. Luckily the fire had not spread past the family den so we were able to go up the stairs to the front door. When I got up the stairs and glanced in the kitchen I saw that my grandmother was still in the kitchen. “Granny quick get out the house, it’s on fire, it’s on fire” I yelled up to her direction. “Oh Lord”, she yelled and quickly got up out of the wooden kitchen chair she was sitting in, she headed toward the front door where my sister and I stood. I remembered learning to check doorknobs making sure there not too hot to handle. When I touched the doorknob, it was slightly warm but not too hot to grip on to. I opened the front door so we could all get out of the house, I looked back to see the progress that the fire might have made and saw that it had already started coming up the stairs. Once we were all safely out of the house we were spotted by our neighbors who had seen the fire coming from our house, they happened to be running to the house to help us out. Thankfully our neighbors already called 911 and the firefighters and ambulances arrived about two minutes after my family and I evacuated. During all the action that was taking place outside, I was taken into my neighbors’ home to call my mother who was at work the whole time.
Before this incident, my family never sat down at the table and discussed a proper fire escape plan for us to follow if a fire was to happen. In most cases coming together as a family and making these plans can be absolutely beneficial. In the New York Times article, Arson Suspected as Girl Dies in Brooklyn Fire, details are given about the death of a 17-year old girl that was unable to escape a fire in her home (Schmidt). A parent really does not want to receive the news that their child is no longer alive, parents do not want to outlive their children.
Not only did the firefighters and ambulance come to put out the fire and help anyone that was hurt, but CBS 6 News was also on the scene. The day turned into my first news appearance, I thought this was the coolest thing ever at that moment. I got to be on TV, the mic was turned on I was able to tell Richmond, Virginia my story about how me and my family were able to survive my first dangerous encounter with fire. I feel like I made a lot of viewers that tuned into the 6 o’clock news that day proud, I was a young hero, and my family was safe and secured.
Works Cited
McConnell, Charles F., Leeming, Frank C., Dwyer, William O. “Evaluation of a Fire-Safety Training Program for Preschool Children.” Journal of Community Psychology. Vol. 24 Issue 3 (1996): 213-217. Web
Schmidt, Michael S., Zraick, Karen, Lyles, Toby. “Arson Suspected as Girl Dies in a Brooklyn Fire.” New York Times. 29 Dec. 2009: Web
Thursday, April 15, 2010
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Tekeya!
ReplyDeleteThis story is phenomenal! It's not everyday you find someone who has had an experience like you. Thanks for choosing to tell us about it in an essay like this. It really caught my attention--for it's uniqueness, but it was also riveting to read. I think probably the biggest thing you may need to consider improving would be your actual argument. I think I understood it from you title, but you didn't really touch on it much throughout the paper and that's something you need to continually remind your audience because they forget so easily. This is something I always need to work on too, so it's a common thing. Also, while I loved the story, consider implementing more sources. Maybe find articles or testimonials of other people who have had similar experiences, or the opposite and have a different attitude to support your argument. I think this is a wonderful example of a narrative argument because it was so personal and close to home and absolutely gripping. I loved all the details you used in your story...like you remember exactly what your grandmother said and reacted. So good. Keep it up girl :)
Dear Tekeya,
ReplyDeleteI thought your story was really good for a narrative argument. I liked how you chose imagery words like "sniff of the smoky air" and "slightly dark and gloomy". It made an image in my head of the situation. The only thing i want to suggest is that you might want to remind the audience of your argument throughout the paper like Katie mentioned. I think it's important that you are not just telling a story but making an argument, which is something I struggle with too. But if you can find some strong sources, I think you can make a strong argument. Good luck on your second draft and keep up the good luck!!
Sora Shin
Tekeya,
ReplyDeleteYour story was very suspensful to read. It really kept me on my toes. I liked how you used dialogue in your paper and your use of imagery. You have found some crediblie sources to use however, I feel like they are just put into your paper. It does not really flow. I suggest that you move your second paragraph before your first paragraph because right now it interrupts your story and you can lose the reader that way. If you put it as the introduction you can say something like in third grade i learned from Mrs. Pratt that...... and then be like little did I know that this would be the most important piece of information that I will ever recieve as a third grader or something like that and then go into your story. Now your story was very interested and everything was in order but I feel like you can say more about your story. Make it more dramatic. That had to have been a stressful dramatic situation for everyone that day. Describe in full detail what your house look like. Were you coughing? Did it smell smoky? Use your five senses it will make your story more interesting. Also your second source should be after your story. It still interrupts your story and leaves me hanging. And you should expand on that newspaper article. It just seemed like you rushed into putting a source in. Also are you trying to say that fire safety should be taught earlier in childhood or what is the argument. I know it has to be about fire safety but just make it more clear. Also work on another conclusion like talk about how your mom felt and if she rushed home from work and expand on what caused the fire. Good luck with your revisions.
Lauren
Tekeya,
ReplyDeleteI think that your topic is very unique and you did a nice job in choosing a topic thats interesting and something eveyone would like to read about. I really liked your story behind it and I'm glad that it did have a happy ending! I think throughout your paper you did a nice job of describing what happened and everything involved in that day, but I think you could add a little bit of length to your paper if you would add some more emotion into your paper. How you were feeling, your sister, grandmother, mom (after she found out), everything like that.
I also liked how you told your story, but I felt like it was too spread out and there wasn't enough detail. So maybe try to rearange some stuff so the story is all together and then incorporate the quotes and data after you've collected the story.
Overall I think you have a great start and I hope my comments will help some!
Best of luck on your next draft!
Kara